How My Yes to Myself Can Influence My No

How often do you tell yourself yes? Take a moment to really think about it. Many times we places others higher than ourselves on our priority lists. While there isn’t anything wrong with thinking of others, it is important to remember that you cannot pour from an empty vessel. In order to better take care of yourself, your yes must come first. Think about ways that you can say yes to your needs in the future and check out these tips on how saying yes helps you in the longterm. 

  1. Saying yes to yourself encourages stronger boundaries with others

Think about the last time you said yes to someone when you really wanted to say no. How did you feel? When we say yes but truly dont desire to, we are teaching others that we are willing to compromise on our boundaries and that our boundaries are flexible. Try these responses the next time youre asked to commit to something that youre not so sure about (“Let me get back to you on that”, “I need some time to think on this, I will get back to you ”, “Im not interested in doing _____, but that you for considering me”, “Im not available to ____, but I can do__”). We honor ourselves when we are honest about our boundaries and needs. 

  1. Saying yes to yourself boosts self confidence 

How did it feel when you last said no to something and honored your boundaries? Often when I talk to individuals or clients about this, their top answers are relief or empowerment. It feels good to honor yourself, especially when it is new to you. When you think of your needs first before committing to any obligations, it boosts your confidence in your ability to do it again. 

  1. Saying yes to yourself helps you gain clarity about your needs 

When youre learning to operate with new boundaries in place for yourself and others, it can sometimes be challenging. But with this challenge comes clarity. If you are unclear about your needs and desires, it is easy to commit to others and become overwhelmed. However, when you begin to understand what your needs are, your yes’s and no’s become much more clear and easier to say. 

  1. Saying yes to yourself improves your self care routine. 

When you say yes out of obligation, you may often find yourself, overbooked, overworked, and exhausted. It is important for you to to consider your capabilities, schedule, and current needs before offering your assistance or support to others. Incorporating saying no to others into your self care routine provides you with the opportunity to make sure your needs are addressed before you add someone else’s to the equation. Self care looks different for everyone, but not considering your needs, leads to burn out. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. 

You can do this, I believe in you


Alexis Long-Daniels, M.A., ALC, NCC

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